Blog Postings from Myspace

Decided to move some of my blog postings from Myspace on here. Some works that I think serve a purpose that I have written with a lot of thought here. Check some of them out.

One Year Ago...
(I would have had this posted up on the actual anniversary but I got distracted with school and as such I delayed the post. So the time frame was set for 2/24)

It's amazing to think that a year has gone by and my family has been moving on with a little pause this morning. It's hard to think that 13 months ago, my grandma was in hospice. It's hard to think that a year ago, I was at KB working my shift and grandma passed away in the afternoon shift. I can't think how much time has flown and how the pain is still there. Even now as I sit in my room and it's covered with a ton of my posters and boards, yet the salmon walls stick out and the new layout fades away to show my grandma's room before she left this world.

I can't fathom the thought of her gone. She was like a second mother to me, especially when mom got married to my dad. Leo and I lived with her in the South Side until the summer so that we can get school done before the big move and start our lives as families. I recall the many Thanksgivings where we would go from Grandpa and Grandma Fabs and then head off to see my grandma and my relatives in the small South Side apartment.

I recall the times when Leo and I stayed there and we ordered pizza from a pizza parlor on Commercial Dr and 88th St. I recall the summer trip that we took where we traveled through Mexico and saw our family out there. There are a lot of memories that I have with her. I recall in a lot of ways how she had her stroke and how her tremors and Parkinson's started. It was a challenge for us which we had to help her out as best as we can.

I also recall how grandma and I were for a few years the first to arrive in Florida and the last ones to leave. I always found that nice since she and I could spend time together. I recall the strange stares that I got from women at Midway and in Sarasota airports when I had to go inside the women's restroom so that she can go potty. I recall the plane ride in which she kept moving in her seat and had to go to the bathroom. It was a challenge but I would gladly do that again for her.

I recall how mom and I went down around Memorial Day in 2003 to pick her up and have her live with us. It was during that time that Leo painted her room the color that has remained. I recall her glassy look and how she faded from this world into the next one. I miss her tons. I miss how I always hear her yell at Leo to stop tormenting her. I miss how Terra was her little "motita" or cotton ball. She was a great woman who I had great admiration for and who I had great respect for here.

I know that she's in a place where she's no longer suffering, no longer needing that walker or wheelchair anymore. She's able to move around freely without any difficulty. While she is in a joyous place, we still miss her and love her dearly. I sometimes find it so hard to remember her but when I start talking about her like how I do now, the memories and her face comes back. I know that she is missed here from her family and friends but we all know that she will be there waiting for us on your final days as we slowly start drifting off into the west.


Last Thoughts
As I sit here in-between worlds, I look and see how some of things I love and care are both disappearing and appearing. I see my children's eyes filled up with tears as they both know that I will not be here. I look at my grandchildren and look to them with great pride in knowing that they are growing up right. Yet I see also sadness since they know that I will not be on this earth looking as they achieve their degrees. While I start to leave this world I hear some chatter from within the light. I start to see my husband after so many years calling me to come to his arms once again. I see my mother saying to me to take her hand and be with her in the new world. With all that I'm seeing, I know that it feels right yet I know that I will my all who I left behind. I look around once more, only to see things looking brighter and brighter. Finally I hear a voice that I never heard before except within my heart. I hear him say "Come home my child. Come to me and you shall suffer no more." The light is so bright that I feel a great sense of peace. I start to leave this world and enter the new one. While I know that they all will miss me, I can be re-assured that when it is their time of need, I will be there to bring them back with me.