Note: I know it has been ages since I last posted something online on here and on my blog on Blogger but I should explain what happened. I would have written more about my life story continuing from Disney in 2005 but I got hit with a writer’s block and as such felt restricted on what to write and to some of the details that happened since a lot happened down there for me that pretty much changed me into who I am today. The other thing that seemed to affect my blogging is my job. I work full-time and during my 2 days off, I try to do other things and as such have let my creativity take a break. So today was strange in that I had this strange urge to write down my thoughts and keep them alive throughout the day. I would have actually vlog’ed it but my phone did not have a good enough charge and as such I felt words would be best. So with this post, I am committing to trying once in awhile write down some thoughts when I can, work on my life story thus far, and also maybe even work on my art so that I can have more things coming from here and showing up out there in the cyber world. Now on with the rest of the blog
As a child, I have always heard about how I will be successful in whatever I decide to do. Family, teachers, and even strangers that have seen me grow up would say how I was very kind, courteous, and smart. So when I heard about Northwestern University at a young age, I thought that would be cool since it was a great school. Some of my dad’s family went there and went on to do great things and as such so would I. I kept that dream within myself for a long time until high school came along in which I had to change the dream from this school that I had a strong desire to go to towards the best in-state school (U of I) so that the scholarship my dad got for me and the US Department of Veterans’ Affairs would help pay for most of the costs while family dealt with the rest. This was in early 1999 before I ever took the ACT.
I had a small chance to see Northwestern one time in 2002 when a member of my frat and I went up to check out a ritual out there. It was a great time and I got to see the snow fall on the campus. I never really got the chance to really walk around but it was nice to be a bit close to the actual campus. From then on, my life changed in which I failed from U of I, went to Triton, and after all of the trials and tribulations I graduated in 2009.
So today, I was supposed to hang out with a friend but since he was feeling under the weather, we had to break plans. Originally, I was thinking of going to Gurnee Mills or the Outlet Mall in Huntley since I didn’t feel like going home. After some driving along I-294 North (since I was thinking of doing Gurnee Mills and then leaving like around 330 or so to head home), I changed my mind and instead headed to a few places that I have never really gone to. First I went to Nickel City which is Capcom’s arcade place (didn’t care for it too much here) and played a few games. After 40 min or so, I left there and decided to head over to the trains since I was still out exploring. I ended up driving my car to Skokie and took the Yellow Line train to Howard and then ended up taking the Purple Line to one of the stations that would put me close to Northwestern University campus since it’s a train I rarely take and felt like checking things out.
Once I got to the campus, I began to walk around and see some of the buildings from the outside and I was really impressed with how everything looked. From walking through this campus and seeing some of the dorms, the technology building, and a few others (didn’t go inside since I thought I would stick out since I had the look of a tourist on my face) I felt a sense of joy from the inner child in me for seeing the campus.
It was on the walk and train ride back to Howard St station (and add in the ride on the Red Line to 95th St and back) that I began to ponder. I began to think as to how things would have been if I was able to go to Northwestern. I had the big question of “how will my life be different from how it is now” and while that is fun to think of from time to time, I am where I am today from all that has happened. I know that if that path happened, I would be very different and have a different set of experiences which would lead to a different Tony.
Still, I felt good in being there at least to please my inner child for a few brief moments. Who knows what the future will hold for me since I could be returning there in the future if my child does decide to go there or if I go for a different degree. I know I just have to let my life continue on the path I am now and strive for success in my life.
7/17/10
5/26/10
Hey there. You seem to work crazy hours. If you knew you were going to have a whole day off in say a week, what would you plan to do for the day?
If I had a day off, I would probably spend part of the day going out for a run, doing some errands, and hanging out with friends (if plans were made with them). If I didn't plan anything with friends, then I would stay home and clean or play video games. Did you want to do something???
2/21/10
What a Bad Blogger I Am, But I Have a Reason
I have to say that I haven't been the best blogger here as of late. I can give you a reason why and that is that I got my hours severely cut thanks to my boss saying that I suck at selling, which I have felt is something I know I am good at here. Mind you that that was part of the hidden meaning to his review that he gave me. The other things that he said was the following:
* I have been trained as far as I can go within the company and as such he feels that I am not management material.
* I should look for something else in the management field in a different store and he will only say great things about me (In other words, get out so I can have my new team in the store and have the weaklings out which is bullshit).
* Because of an incident that happened on New Year's Day and a stupid lady complaining saying that I laughed at her after she got soap in her eyes (which was not true), my boss said that I can't move up in the manager ranks for 3 years at least until this fades since I was listed as a manager (another statement of bullshit).
So I have been working nothing but weekends here if I'm lucky and some weeknight shifts but I have only been getting like 0-8 hours a week if I'm lucky here. I am tired of that crap and have been actively searching for something but I have had no luck here. I thought I was going to have a shot with the Allstate job, yet it's been a bit over 2 weeks and I have not heard anything. So I am feeling pissed off that I have not gotten anything saying that I am moving into the next stage of the process or that rejection.
So with all of that happening to me, I have been very depressed and have not really left home for much at all here since January. What also didn't help was that somehow I ended up getting syphilis here and that caused me to shut in even more. Granted that I took care of it and feel a lot better physically but mentally and emotionally, I'm down yet I am starting to see a bit of light here.
I have recently gotten a new job which gave me a new sense of drive and hope. While it's only going til the end of March, it's something that can give me some experience here and at the same time keep me focused with my free time that I have at home. At the same time, I have a few new interviews that are starting up for me that seem to be giving me some extra drive as well. Have had an interview for management position at Harley-Davidson shop inside O'Hare Airport (would suck with working holidays but I can live with that for most part) and at a bank near my house for teller position. So things are starting to look up for me. Just have to keep my hope alive and I know that I will get somewhere someday.
I'll try to post up a new blog entry on my life story thus far soon but for now I hope that this will do for you all. Take care and catch you soon. :-)
Tony
* I have been trained as far as I can go within the company and as such he feels that I am not management material.
* I should look for something else in the management field in a different store and he will only say great things about me (In other words, get out so I can have my new team in the store and have the weaklings out which is bullshit).
* Because of an incident that happened on New Year's Day and a stupid lady complaining saying that I laughed at her after she got soap in her eyes (which was not true), my boss said that I can't move up in the manager ranks for 3 years at least until this fades since I was listed as a manager (another statement of bullshit).
So I have been working nothing but weekends here if I'm lucky and some weeknight shifts but I have only been getting like 0-8 hours a week if I'm lucky here. I am tired of that crap and have been actively searching for something but I have had no luck here. I thought I was going to have a shot with the Allstate job, yet it's been a bit over 2 weeks and I have not heard anything. So I am feeling pissed off that I have not gotten anything saying that I am moving into the next stage of the process or that rejection.
So with all of that happening to me, I have been very depressed and have not really left home for much at all here since January. What also didn't help was that somehow I ended up getting syphilis here and that caused me to shut in even more. Granted that I took care of it and feel a lot better physically but mentally and emotionally, I'm down yet I am starting to see a bit of light here.
I have recently gotten a new job which gave me a new sense of drive and hope. While it's only going til the end of March, it's something that can give me some experience here and at the same time keep me focused with my free time that I have at home. At the same time, I have a few new interviews that are starting up for me that seem to be giving me some extra drive as well. Have had an interview for management position at Harley-Davidson shop inside O'Hare Airport (would suck with working holidays but I can live with that for most part) and at a bank near my house for teller position. So things are starting to look up for me. Just have to keep my hope alive and I know that I will get somewhere someday.
I'll try to post up a new blog entry on my life story thus far soon but for now I hope that this will do for you all. Take care and catch you soon. :-)
Tony
1/2/10
2009 Year-In-Review & Hopes For 2010
So I should have done this last night but I was lazy and forgot to do it so here. I feel that I should do it now while I have the chance and fill in on these two parts as one big entry here. With that said, on with the show.
So I have to say that 2009 was filled with some good n bad times here for me. It felt though more bad times but somehow through all of that, I have made it to the end and realized that if I can survive that, I know I will stand and accept what 2010 has to offer. In order to talk about 2010, I need to reflect on both the good n bad of 2009.
The first I can say that I was most grateful for was the fact that I finished school here. As you have seen from my blog entries that it has taken me 8 years of going to different schools, failing, a semester break for Disney, and even going part-time for a year and half cost me a lot here but in the end I am grateful to have my degree. I have to say that I shed my tears after seeing that diploma case in my hands and able to say that I did it.
Another good thing about this year that I can say is Bath & Body Works, my current place of employment. They took me in September 2008 after I left KB Toys. They helped me out in giving me hours and giving me a good pay rate. While I left for a month to work at Petco, when I decided to leave there and return back to my store they took me in and welcomed me back into the fold. I even had the chance of this holiday season being a seasonal manager. It was a great time for me and it helped me remember why I enjoy the store and how to be a good team leader that I know I can be here.
While I had a few good times, 2009 gave me many woes and pains. The first of which is Aaron. I won't go into details about that but I know he hurt me twice and while I have come to terms of forgiving him fully for all and even forgiving myself since I may have caused the damage as well. In the end I know that in order for the new year to go right, I need to leave him in 2009 and not look back. Need to move forward on with my life.
The second thing I guess I can say in which 2009 gave me woes was with Petco. Again, I will refrain from many details but I felt like crap when working there. I saw no warmth from the manager. The only people who truly made me feel welcomed were the associates. Beyond that, none of the managers or even the training manager made feel like I was truly part of the store. To Liz, Jessica, n Nicole of Bloomingdale Petco, I have just a few choice words to say: you need to have better interpersonal skills with new people and fuck you bitches since you all had poles shoved up your asses that you need to pull out.
I guess the third and final bad thing about 2009 was the fact that after graduating I was not able to find a job in my field. As much as I tried, I had no luck in getting a job in my field. So I had to stay in retail which is fine but I feel that retail has served its purpose. I need to move from here and go forth into new ventures.
With that last thought on 2009, I need to think of 2010. I have made a few ideas on what I want to do and as such I need to be a firm believer that I can achieve these goals with no problems whatsoever. Firstly, I hope that 2010 will bring me a full-time job somewhere. While, something says Bath & Body Works as a manager is going to happen, I would really like something that I can use my degree. Don't get me wrong, if BBW gives me something I will take it but I would prefer my field.
The second goal for 2010 is that I plan to get some of my bills paid off. I have been in debt for far too long. It is time for me to dig myself out of my hole and get myself back on solid ground. That way I can be somewhat out of there and be able to say that I made a major dent in my $10,000 debt that I have here.
The third thing that I want to do in 2010 is to move out of my house and get a place of my own. I know it sounds bad but I know that in order to truly be myself and have a serious boyfriend, I need to have my own place. I can't keep lying to my family about where I'm going or what I'm doing here. I know that with my own place, I can come out and deal with the fallout that my family will unleash (if any since I don't know how they will react here).
The final thing I can say that I hope for 2010 is that I would like to find someone who I can finally settle down with here. While I do enjoy hooking up when I get the chance, I would rather prefer myself to be with someone for the long-haul here since I do want that companionship and that white-picket fenced house. I could do that on my own but I want a guy for my own who I know I love deeply and know that he will be there for me as how I will be there for him.
Guess I have done enough reflecting and thinking for now on these two entries that have merged into one. Hope that your 2010 is a good one for you all my readers and stay tuned for the next entry in my life story. I am in the process of working on it and hope to have it out soon. Take care all.
So I have to say that 2009 was filled with some good n bad times here for me. It felt though more bad times but somehow through all of that, I have made it to the end and realized that if I can survive that, I know I will stand and accept what 2010 has to offer. In order to talk about 2010, I need to reflect on both the good n bad of 2009.
The first I can say that I was most grateful for was the fact that I finished school here. As you have seen from my blog entries that it has taken me 8 years of going to different schools, failing, a semester break for Disney, and even going part-time for a year and half cost me a lot here but in the end I am grateful to have my degree. I have to say that I shed my tears after seeing that diploma case in my hands and able to say that I did it.
Another good thing about this year that I can say is Bath & Body Works, my current place of employment. They took me in September 2008 after I left KB Toys. They helped me out in giving me hours and giving me a good pay rate. While I left for a month to work at Petco, when I decided to leave there and return back to my store they took me in and welcomed me back into the fold. I even had the chance of this holiday season being a seasonal manager. It was a great time for me and it helped me remember why I enjoy the store and how to be a good team leader that I know I can be here.
While I had a few good times, 2009 gave me many woes and pains. The first of which is Aaron. I won't go into details about that but I know he hurt me twice and while I have come to terms of forgiving him fully for all and even forgiving myself since I may have caused the damage as well. In the end I know that in order for the new year to go right, I need to leave him in 2009 and not look back. Need to move forward on with my life.
The second thing I guess I can say in which 2009 gave me woes was with Petco. Again, I will refrain from many details but I felt like crap when working there. I saw no warmth from the manager. The only people who truly made me feel welcomed were the associates. Beyond that, none of the managers or even the training manager made feel like I was truly part of the store. To Liz, Jessica, n Nicole of Bloomingdale Petco, I have just a few choice words to say: you need to have better interpersonal skills with new people and fuck you bitches since you all had poles shoved up your asses that you need to pull out.
I guess the third and final bad thing about 2009 was the fact that after graduating I was not able to find a job in my field. As much as I tried, I had no luck in getting a job in my field. So I had to stay in retail which is fine but I feel that retail has served its purpose. I need to move from here and go forth into new ventures.
With that last thought on 2009, I need to think of 2010. I have made a few ideas on what I want to do and as such I need to be a firm believer that I can achieve these goals with no problems whatsoever. Firstly, I hope that 2010 will bring me a full-time job somewhere. While, something says Bath & Body Works as a manager is going to happen, I would really like something that I can use my degree. Don't get me wrong, if BBW gives me something I will take it but I would prefer my field.
The second goal for 2010 is that I plan to get some of my bills paid off. I have been in debt for far too long. It is time for me to dig myself out of my hole and get myself back on solid ground. That way I can be somewhat out of there and be able to say that I made a major dent in my $10,000 debt that I have here.
The third thing that I want to do in 2010 is to move out of my house and get a place of my own. I know it sounds bad but I know that in order to truly be myself and have a serious boyfriend, I need to have my own place. I can't keep lying to my family about where I'm going or what I'm doing here. I know that with my own place, I can come out and deal with the fallout that my family will unleash (if any since I don't know how they will react here).
The final thing I can say that I hope for 2010 is that I would like to find someone who I can finally settle down with here. While I do enjoy hooking up when I get the chance, I would rather prefer myself to be with someone for the long-haul here since I do want that companionship and that white-picket fenced house. I could do that on my own but I want a guy for my own who I know I love deeply and know that he will be there for me as how I will be there for him.
Guess I have done enough reflecting and thinking for now on these two entries that have merged into one. Hope that your 2010 is a good one for you all my readers and stay tuned for the next entry in my life story. I am in the process of working on it and hope to have it out soon. Take care all.
12/27/09
Thoughts From An Email That I Never Thought I Would Get
-first added on 12/19-
Sounds like a long,corny title but it's something that I thought I wouldn't have to deal with until now. I think I have to explain what happened here to bring me to this thought process. It was in July when Aaron (my ex who I was trying to be friends with) and I broke communication with each other. Long story short, he was dealing with some family problems and took his frustration on me. While I tried to listen and help out, it wasn't enough. Then again, I wasn't helpful to him since I was dealing with problems of my own. In the end, we cut our ties with one another and decided not to talk again. He sent an apology the next day but I never responded to it since I was hurt.
So fast forward to a few days ago when I was checking my emails and saw a message from him for a few videos. I thought that he sent it to me on accident and as such I just looked at some of the stuff on there n that was it. A few days later, he sent me a second message saying that he saw my email still in his address book and wanted to try to talk to me again telling me of his discoveries that he did upon himself. He also mentioned that I was and still am a big part of his life that he doesn't want to lose.
So I am now at this fork of whether or not I should talk to him. I can say that I did think of him in October. Granted that I do miss his company but I have moved on with my life and feel that I can no longer deal with everything that he can deal to me.
-added on 12/27-
After much thinking and talking with a friend on this matter I feel that while Aaron has the right intentions in his heart of trying to rebuild our friendship, the time has come to say goodbye. I care for Aaron a great deal and that is something that will not change. At the same time, I need to believe that if you love something so much that there is a time that you just have to let it go free. I feel that this is the point in time that I need to let him go. We had a great run and I would do it in a heartbeat. We both helped each other mature in different ways and as such I am different from when I first started.
Sounds like a long,corny title but it's something that I thought I wouldn't have to deal with until now. I think I have to explain what happened here to bring me to this thought process. It was in July when Aaron (my ex who I was trying to be friends with) and I broke communication with each other. Long story short, he was dealing with some family problems and took his frustration on me. While I tried to listen and help out, it wasn't enough. Then again, I wasn't helpful to him since I was dealing with problems of my own. In the end, we cut our ties with one another and decided not to talk again. He sent an apology the next day but I never responded to it since I was hurt.
So fast forward to a few days ago when I was checking my emails and saw a message from him for a few videos. I thought that he sent it to me on accident and as such I just looked at some of the stuff on there n that was it. A few days later, he sent me a second message saying that he saw my email still in his address book and wanted to try to talk to me again telling me of his discoveries that he did upon himself. He also mentioned that I was and still am a big part of his life that he doesn't want to lose.
So I am now at this fork of whether or not I should talk to him. I can say that I did think of him in October. Granted that I do miss his company but I have moved on with my life and feel that I can no longer deal with everything that he can deal to me.
-added on 12/27-
After much thinking and talking with a friend on this matter I feel that while Aaron has the right intentions in his heart of trying to rebuild our friendship, the time has come to say goodbye. I care for Aaron a great deal and that is something that will not change. At the same time, I need to believe that if you love something so much that there is a time that you just have to let it go free. I feel that this is the point in time that I need to let him go. We had a great run and I would do it in a heartbeat. We both helped each other mature in different ways and as such I am different from when I first started.
12/4/09
Rage
This is a mild break from my normal life story blogs since I just need to write down some thoughts and try to ease my mind of the frustration that I have with the world, and with myself here.
Rage. It's something that we seem do deal with on a daily basis. It can be from road rage with the driver that is in front of you and can't drive properly or cuts you off when you had the right of way. It can be rage against a certain sales associate for giving you bad service or ignoring your pleas of assistance in order for them to chat with their co-workers about something random. Hell, there's even rage at work when people let you down for a team project and they have set you back weeks. It's from this rage that things can be blown out into harshness and cruelty that can take time to heal or never heal at all if exploded. There are tools that people find to help them break that rage whether it's exercise, talking, eating, shopping, or sex. It's from there that people seem to get back to a normalcy and are able to have a low tank on rage.
I wish I can say that is how I feel here but it's not. I feel the opposite here since I feel that all these plans that I have thought up before have died out completely and the path that I am on now is not the one I wanted here. I know where I can pinpoint all this rage started from and who to blame.
I know it started after failing U of I the second time around here. Even though I took it hard and tried my best to stay in that school, I didn't do it. I felt so miserable that I was pissed off with the world here. What didn't make things better was the fact that I was dumped around that same time. I pretty much took all that anger towards myself and the relationship and just unleashed it on the world with no reservations and with no care in the world. While it was bad, I did calm down and the rage somehow subsided within me. I know that as time went on, my rage would top out and then go back down. While I tried to find different ways to vent out this rage in a healthy manner, I felt that it did nothing for me. It would just fill back up quickly and then I have a near-meltdown.
This is how I have lived with myself to this day. I know that things are not going to my wishes and fantasies. I am not working full-time in an office and don't have my own place. I don't have that special someone to come home to and feel truly at home without secrets or hiding a double-life. I think that's why I feel so enraged. I feel that being at home not coming out to my family is a big issue as to why things are the way they are and why I feel I need to walk on eggshells when it comes to me or how my family has to be careful of what they say around me in order for me not to blow up in a blazing and terrifying inferno.
Now you may ask why I don't come out to my family and have it out in the open. I'm not sure why I keep myself in this tiny closet when I'm with my family. Part of me likes the idea of having two lives to live while the other part (which tends to echo out more than the other) is telling me that my family will stop caring for me, kick me out of the house, and never speak to me again. While I know that is a big concern for coming out, but it's something that I don't want to deal with since my family is a big part of my life. If I lose them, then I know I will truly be alone and that's something that I hate to feel here.
In the past when I came to accepting being a gay man, I told myself that I needed to keep myself in the closet since I don't want my family to know and kick me out without finishing my school. Now I found something new to cover up that old excuse. In reality, the reason I don't come out to my family is because I don't want to deal with any conflicts that would be coming afterward. I want to be open with my family but I doubt that I can be here. I have seen it myself with everything that has gone on in my house.
My brother is a big homophobe and is fussy about that topic. He tends to mock it a lot. My mom says she's supportive but I know that she's a bit judgmental. I have seen it with her and how she acts around a few of my friends that do come over. Right after they walk away to a different part of the house, she asks me if they're gay. It's an issue with her that I hang out with gay people.
I don't know what else to really say here for now but this has brought down my rage meter a bit. Too bad that might not last long for me here since I cannot find that happy place anymore. I feel that it's gone to me here and the only true way to find it is if I do get out of this house which who knows when that will be.
I just needed to write down some stuff here since I had to clear my head with these thoughts. I will try to think on this idea some more and maybe even elaborate on some of the points I made here. Thanks for reading this and if you can offer any form of help, I would greatly appreciate it here a lot people. Thanks.
Rage. It's something that we seem do deal with on a daily basis. It can be from road rage with the driver that is in front of you and can't drive properly or cuts you off when you had the right of way. It can be rage against a certain sales associate for giving you bad service or ignoring your pleas of assistance in order for them to chat with their co-workers about something random. Hell, there's even rage at work when people let you down for a team project and they have set you back weeks. It's from this rage that things can be blown out into harshness and cruelty that can take time to heal or never heal at all if exploded. There are tools that people find to help them break that rage whether it's exercise, talking, eating, shopping, or sex. It's from there that people seem to get back to a normalcy and are able to have a low tank on rage.
I wish I can say that is how I feel here but it's not. I feel the opposite here since I feel that all these plans that I have thought up before have died out completely and the path that I am on now is not the one I wanted here. I know where I can pinpoint all this rage started from and who to blame.
I know it started after failing U of I the second time around here. Even though I took it hard and tried my best to stay in that school, I didn't do it. I felt so miserable that I was pissed off with the world here. What didn't make things better was the fact that I was dumped around that same time. I pretty much took all that anger towards myself and the relationship and just unleashed it on the world with no reservations and with no care in the world. While it was bad, I did calm down and the rage somehow subsided within me. I know that as time went on, my rage would top out and then go back down. While I tried to find different ways to vent out this rage in a healthy manner, I felt that it did nothing for me. It would just fill back up quickly and then I have a near-meltdown.
This is how I have lived with myself to this day. I know that things are not going to my wishes and fantasies. I am not working full-time in an office and don't have my own place. I don't have that special someone to come home to and feel truly at home without secrets or hiding a double-life. I think that's why I feel so enraged. I feel that being at home not coming out to my family is a big issue as to why things are the way they are and why I feel I need to walk on eggshells when it comes to me or how my family has to be careful of what they say around me in order for me not to blow up in a blazing and terrifying inferno.
Now you may ask why I don't come out to my family and have it out in the open. I'm not sure why I keep myself in this tiny closet when I'm with my family. Part of me likes the idea of having two lives to live while the other part (which tends to echo out more than the other) is telling me that my family will stop caring for me, kick me out of the house, and never speak to me again. While I know that is a big concern for coming out, but it's something that I don't want to deal with since my family is a big part of my life. If I lose them, then I know I will truly be alone and that's something that I hate to feel here.
In the past when I came to accepting being a gay man, I told myself that I needed to keep myself in the closet since I don't want my family to know and kick me out without finishing my school. Now I found something new to cover up that old excuse. In reality, the reason I don't come out to my family is because I don't want to deal with any conflicts that would be coming afterward. I want to be open with my family but I doubt that I can be here. I have seen it myself with everything that has gone on in my house.
My brother is a big homophobe and is fussy about that topic. He tends to mock it a lot. My mom says she's supportive but I know that she's a bit judgmental. I have seen it with her and how she acts around a few of my friends that do come over. Right after they walk away to a different part of the house, she asks me if they're gay. It's an issue with her that I hang out with gay people.
I don't know what else to really say here for now but this has brought down my rage meter a bit. Too bad that might not last long for me here since I cannot find that happy place anymore. I feel that it's gone to me here and the only true way to find it is if I do get out of this house which who knows when that will be.
I just needed to write down some stuff here since I had to clear my head with these thoughts. I will try to think on this idea some more and maybe even elaborate on some of the points I made here. Thanks for reading this and if you can offer any form of help, I would greatly appreciate it here a lot people. Thanks.
11/15/09
My Life Story Thus Far Act 7: Triton Days Part 2 [Jan 2004-Aug 2004]
Going back to U of I, I had a lot of good times down there. I really don't need to do much recapping in the last entry since I pretty much covered all that I was trying to convey during that time. I know I will add in details about Justin later on after I get to 2009 since he's someone who is still in my life to this day and as such I know that he's gonna be someone who will get a big entry for himself. So let's move on with the next part of my life here.
So after coming back home with my tail dragging between my feet and feeling very depressed from being dumped and failing school yet again, my mom told me that I was going back to Triton. It was an interesting time for me to go back there since I did not know what to expect second time going there. In some ways I thought it would be nice going there since I can see my friends again and make new ones. Besides, it would be an interesting time to see how Senate was going. So I enrolled back at Triton in January and decided to sign up for Senate once more here since I had a great deal of fun there.
I was soon to learn that there was much grief in there and that I was going to be in the middle being forced to choose sides. That will be explained a bit later on in the story. I went on in the semester and enjoyed my time with the people since I got close to a lot of them and even made some new friends there. It was there that I met Lori and Sarah who I found to be very good people. I really liked Sarah a lot since she went to East Leyden and knew a few people that I knew here. So it was nice to have some common ground.
I recall going to a few different places with them in February and enjoying my time with them all, especially with Jerissa since we were very close. She was my best friend that I had tons of fun with anytime we did something. I know my family would have liked it for me to be with her but I knew that wasn't going to happen since she was engaged. Anywho, we were starting to drift apart since she would be hard to get a hold of by phone and Myspace. So I kept to myself a bit here and hung out with the other people.
March came rolling around and soon I had gotten myself pinned in a corner again since the other ladies were planning to impeach Jerissa for her absence. They succeeded and told me not to tell her about it. What was the first thing I did? I told her what happened and was pissed off with what happened that I blogged. Well, the other girls saw my blog n began to throw a major shit-fit because not only did I tell Jerissa but also because I blogged and called them bitches. In the end, I just treated them a bit coldly and soon afterwards warmed up to them again to bring them back inside.
As for Jerissa, I lost touch with her and we went our separate ways which sucks since we were very close and I'm not sure if we'll ever get that way again. Only time will tell. I know that May, things were good for me since I went to Boystown with Justin for the first time. It was an interesting time since I had fun. Of course with me being such a lightweight, I got buzzed after my first drink and hammered after my second one (first was a shot of tequilla n second one was jageur bomb). So Justin took me outside of Roscoe's and we walked around for awhile to get my head back on straight until I was ok. From there, we went back to Roscoe's and hung out there for a bit longer until we went to Steamworks (first time for both of us) and spent the night over there with both of us not living in the city (will have to explain that night in more details at a later entry).
As June came along, I got some main letters for UIC and Disney in that I got accepted to both places and I had to make a decision as soon as possible. So I talked it over with my family and decided that Disney would be nice to do since I can get some job experience while taking a break from school. While the summer was going along, I was helping my dad with the flea market and also working at Triton for the summer as a tutor for two classes. It was in one of the classes that a girl hit on me and we went out for a few times. Needless to say, it did not work out since I realized at that point that I was more into guys here.
That summer also spelled a bit of problems at home too. I told my mom that I was into both guys and girls during an argument and things changed for her and me. We weren't talking to each other for a few days until mom and I went walking where she told me that it was just in my head and that I was listening to my brother when he calls me gay. Well, I told her that I knew that this was who I am and she denied it. So as summer was ending and I was getting ready to head out to Orlando, we left it like that and decided to keep those details as such (which for the most part have remained in existence to this day which gives me the issues of ever finding someone until I move out of the house in which I can be my true self).
That pretty much completes Act 7 of my life story. Act 8 will entail my many adventures and mis-adventures in Disney including my many hook-ups, my partying ways, my role down there, and the lasting impression that Disney left on me with a sense of affirmation and confirmation of everything.
So after coming back home with my tail dragging between my feet and feeling very depressed from being dumped and failing school yet again, my mom told me that I was going back to Triton. It was an interesting time for me to go back there since I did not know what to expect second time going there. In some ways I thought it would be nice going there since I can see my friends again and make new ones. Besides, it would be an interesting time to see how Senate was going. So I enrolled back at Triton in January and decided to sign up for Senate once more here since I had a great deal of fun there.
I was soon to learn that there was much grief in there and that I was going to be in the middle being forced to choose sides. That will be explained a bit later on in the story. I went on in the semester and enjoyed my time with the people since I got close to a lot of them and even made some new friends there. It was there that I met Lori and Sarah who I found to be very good people. I really liked Sarah a lot since she went to East Leyden and knew a few people that I knew here. So it was nice to have some common ground.
I recall going to a few different places with them in February and enjoying my time with them all, especially with Jerissa since we were very close. She was my best friend that I had tons of fun with anytime we did something. I know my family would have liked it for me to be with her but I knew that wasn't going to happen since she was engaged. Anywho, we were starting to drift apart since she would be hard to get a hold of by phone and Myspace. So I kept to myself a bit here and hung out with the other people.
March came rolling around and soon I had gotten myself pinned in a corner again since the other ladies were planning to impeach Jerissa for her absence. They succeeded and told me not to tell her about it. What was the first thing I did? I told her what happened and was pissed off with what happened that I blogged. Well, the other girls saw my blog n began to throw a major shit-fit because not only did I tell Jerissa but also because I blogged and called them bitches. In the end, I just treated them a bit coldly and soon afterwards warmed up to them again to bring them back inside.
As for Jerissa, I lost touch with her and we went our separate ways which sucks since we were very close and I'm not sure if we'll ever get that way again. Only time will tell. I know that May, things were good for me since I went to Boystown with Justin for the first time. It was an interesting time since I had fun. Of course with me being such a lightweight, I got buzzed after my first drink and hammered after my second one (first was a shot of tequilla n second one was jageur bomb). So Justin took me outside of Roscoe's and we walked around for awhile to get my head back on straight until I was ok. From there, we went back to Roscoe's and hung out there for a bit longer until we went to Steamworks (first time for both of us) and spent the night over there with both of us not living in the city (will have to explain that night in more details at a later entry).
As June came along, I got some main letters for UIC and Disney in that I got accepted to both places and I had to make a decision as soon as possible. So I talked it over with my family and decided that Disney would be nice to do since I can get some job experience while taking a break from school. While the summer was going along, I was helping my dad with the flea market and also working at Triton for the summer as a tutor for two classes. It was in one of the classes that a girl hit on me and we went out for a few times. Needless to say, it did not work out since I realized at that point that I was more into guys here.
That summer also spelled a bit of problems at home too. I told my mom that I was into both guys and girls during an argument and things changed for her and me. We weren't talking to each other for a few days until mom and I went walking where she told me that it was just in my head and that I was listening to my brother when he calls me gay. Well, I told her that I knew that this was who I am and she denied it. So as summer was ending and I was getting ready to head out to Orlando, we left it like that and decided to keep those details as such (which for the most part have remained in existence to this day which gives me the issues of ever finding someone until I move out of the house in which I can be my true self).
That pretty much completes Act 7 of my life story. Act 8 will entail my many adventures and mis-adventures in Disney including my many hook-ups, my partying ways, my role down there, and the lasting impression that Disney left on me with a sense of affirmation and confirmation of everything.
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